Posted on November 29, 2020
Understandably, not everyone would be familiar with Spiritualism and its practices. In all honesty, I wasn’t either until I chose to develop my psychic and intuitive awareness skills about six years ago.
I grew up knowing that psychic mediums existed and never questioned their validity since my grandmother was one and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to me. However, I was raised Catholic and what I was taught to believe was very different than what I naturally felt to be true. Even at the young age of 14, I made the decision to not get confirmed because much of the messaging of the Catholic Church just didn’t sit right with me. Even though I was raised Catholic, my mother was agnostic and my grandmother exposed me to mediumship. I was lucky to observe as a child that spirituality is a personal choice. I was even luckier that my parents allowed me that choice and didn’t require me to become indoctrinated. Hence, I went most of my teens and twenties without belonging to any particular “religion” but I suppose I have always had an internal knowing or faith that there was more to life than just what we were living day in and day out.
Burnout
About 3 years into living in NYC, I had what you could call a quarter life crisis or as I describe it as hitting a wall. From the outside looking in I was killing it, but on the inside, I was trying to make sense of my purpose and path in life. What made me successful as an athlete and straight A student – pushing myself beyond physical, emotional, and mental limits was also what ultimately led to my burnout.
I had been competing at the highest level while maintaining straight A’s in college as well as interning and volunteering to buffer my resume for graduate school applications. Then, after a disappointing performance at the Olympics and retirement from fencing, I threw myself into the next challenge of Graduate School and landing my first corporate job and promotion. The only way that the perfectionist in me knew how to cope with perceived setbacks and fear of failure was to beat myself up and to work harder. Until, I hit that wall.
For the first 29 years of my life, I had blinders on, pushing myself to always be the best and to work as hard as I could to “control” the outcomes. It was armor that I wore to hide and to avoid having to be vulnerable. Because fact is, that I never learned to check in with myself, to listen to or communicate my feelings and needs or to apply a healthy balance and perspective to life. And it worked. I was applauded and rewarded for my work ethic, discipline, drive and the resulting “successes” at every step along the way but I was left alone to pick up the pieces when the “machine” stopped running.
Saturn Return
Initially, I started looking for external solutions to how I was feeling… maybe I needed to leave NYC, maybe I needed to switch jobs, maybe I needed to date more, workout harder or find a new hobby? You name it, I thought of every possible way to “control” or “fix” or “deflect” how I was feeling. But ultimately none of these solutions “fit” and I know now that I was being guided to explore my greater purpose. It was time.
I later learned that this “wake-up” call was my Saturn Return. This is an astrological event when Saturn completes an entire circuit through the sky and “returns” to the same place it was at the time of your birth, which takes about 29.5 years. Your Saturn Return marks a time in life where one is faced with challenges, and questions about the life one is living and the life one aims to live. It is a time to introspect and to commit to the life and work one wants no matter how unconventional or grand it might seem.
My wake-up call of “I can’t keep living life this way” was ultimately a gift, although challenging. It provided me with new clarity, perspective and guidance to move into a new cycle of life. It led me down a path of going inward and getting to know myself which included gaining self-awareness by de-conditioning myself from social, cultural, familial expectations and beliefs that were no longer serving me. I learned (and am still learning) that my worth is not defined by my constantly being busy, by my accomplishments, by my weight on a scale or by being palatable, but that I am worthy of love, abundance, and security simply for being alive and human.
Awakening My Intuition
So, in the midst of my burnout, when I wasn’t sure what was going on or where to turn, I was asking or even praying for answers (not addressing any particular entity). Then one evening lying in a hotel bed in Houston while on a work trip, I received an email about a weekend course called Trust Yourself from a psychic medium whose email list I had subscribed to. I instinctively knew that I needed to take this course. The next morning, I signed up and I had no idea where that decision was going to take me. Of course, this was my intuition guiding me but I did not know that at the time. I just knew that I needed to get out of my head, to learn how to meditate, and to make sense of all the feelings I was feeling.
Starting to bring awareness to my feelings and my senses through meditation and various other practices was enough to awaken my intuition – or better said, made me aware of my intuition. I learned that I would get to the answers I was looking for not through external factors but by going within and learning to trust that I had an intuitive knowing that would guide me.
This was the beginning of my continuous healing journey and my journey to becoming more spiritual. I started reading a myriad of self-help books, started following and subscribing to many authors, coaches and speakers and I started meeting more like-minded people. Law of attraction anyone? Then, through a string of connected circumstances, I found out about the Spiritual Church of NYC. At first, I was totally put off by the word “Church” which stopped me from wanting to check it out all together. The last thing I was looking for was another entity telling me what to believe, how to behave, and how to fit within a square box.
Eventually, on a particular tough weekend that was riddled with sadness and frustration, I decided to attend a service. I sat in the back, skeptical and hesitant to engage, but ended up being pleasantly surprised. The service was not churchy or preachy at all; it was rather engaging, open-minded, inclusive and not divisive. After I left the service that evening, I felt inspired and curious and I felt like a part of me that I never knew how to identify was home and recognized there.
Then, I started going more regularly because I got to learn about spiritual topics that were presented as lectures and sometimes, they would even have Q&A sessions. I was soaking it all up and over time things started making sense. Occasionally, I would stay for the seances that were held after the church service. Again, at first very skeptical but then I started to get guidance from my spirit loved ones and guides and it was also during these circles that I could feel my own energetic frequencies heighten. This was way before I knew that I was a psychic medium. Who knew that five years later I would be giving lectures and leading seances? Well Spirit did, but I certainly had no clue.
Learning About Spiritualism
Ultimately, I learned about the Holistic Studies Institute at the Church and it wasn’t until I joined Intuitive Awareness and Psychic Development classes that I gradually learned about the science, philosophy and religion of Spiritualism; many of which I already believed to be true – such as mediumship, the continuity of life, energetics, soul purpose etc. And over the next couple of years I developed my skills as a psychic medium, séance conductor, Reiki practitioner and last year I became ordained as a Spiritualist Minister.
Forever A Skeptic
Until this day, I still have a difficult relationship with the word “religion” or “church” because it is most often associated with divisiveness and it takes away from the fact that we are all part of the Universe or Infinite Intelligence trying our best to get closer to our highest self. For me it is more about community, coming together and having a place for thought exchange. Community can help us, guide us and hold space for healing. But I ultimately believe, that we don’t need a place, book, or dogma to be spiritual. Spirituality is personal. Spiritual practices are personal. As humans, regardless of religion, we work with the Divine through prayer, meditation, listening to inner awareness, abiding by the laws of Nature and by being of service to others.
Even though I am a Spiritualist Minister, I am still a skeptic in the sense that I don’t blindly believe what I am told but I believe that which I have experienced and that which resonates with my inner being and knowing. After all, Spiritualism is a common-sense religion and more than that, a science and philosophy. And what I do know is that I believe in Infinite Intelligence, our own inner knowing and ability to use our senses to connect with our surroundings, other spiritual beings, and with spirit. I believe that we are never done learning, growing and healing. I believe that all human beings are worthy of love, abundance, and security and that everyone has their own gifts that they are here to share with collective.